


Regret, Like Trust, is a Feeling Under My Skin

by awanderingmuse



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Getting Together, M/M, Pain-Link, Self-Harm, Soulmate AU, Torture, Using your people words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:48:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25826179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awanderingmuse/pseuds/awanderingmuse
Summary: Percy found out he had a soulmate that wasn’t Annabeth before the Giant War even started. It was terrible  because having a soulmate hurt, literally. When Hera and Aphrodite agreed on a love match the pair got the so-called perk of sharing a pain link. Percy mostly ignores it until one day he thinks his soulmate must be being tortured. It turns out the truth is a lot more heartbreaking.Prompts: Regret/Can I trust you?/Soulmate FeelingTrigger Warning: Self-Harm and Torture. I'm not joking around about that, so if those things are triggering for you, please beware.
Relationships: Nico di Angelo/Percy Jackson
Comments: 6
Kudos: 200
Collections: Percico Angst and Fluff Month 2020





	Regret, Like Trust, is a Feeling Under My Skin

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BobInTheComments](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BobInTheComments/gifts), [likegallows](https://archiveofourown.org/users/likegallows/gifts), [theboringdolphin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theboringdolphin/gifts).



> Here's my submission for week two of the Percico Angst and Fluff Month 2020. This weeks prompt set was "Regret/Can I trust you?/Soulmate Feeling". All together the prompts inspired a heaping serving of angst, so enjoy!
> 
> Trigger Warning: Self-Harm and Torture. I'm not joking around about that, so if those things are triggering for you, please beware.

Nights like these absolutely destroy Percy. At first he didn’t know what it was, when he’d get a random pain somewhere in his body. A deep ache in his ankle or sharp sting in his forearm. His muscles suddenly far too tense when he’s spent an entire week relaxing on the beach. 

Then one day shortly after the Titan War, right before everything went wrong with Gaea, Percy finds himself in the infirmary. He was practicing swords with some of the new kids and all he remembers is pain flaring through his right side.

When he comes too Annabeth is standing worriedly next to him. She’s talking to Will, who simply put looks confused. “I don’t know what happened. There’s not a mark on him.”

Percy knows that can’t be right. Though he feels fine now. Still he does remember the deep feeling of the breath getting knocked out of him followed almost immediately by an ache settling deep in his side.

“Did Collin’s sword slip again?” He asks, he’s still a little fuzzy from losing consciousness but that’s really the only complaint he’s got.

Will moves to his side. “No one was near you to hear Annabeth tell it.” He is always calm and ready to listen to other campers complaints. “Can you tell me where it hurts?”

“It hurt terribly on my left side.” Percy says thoughtfully. “Felt like I’d been clawed. Hurt so badly I passed out, but now I’m fine.”

Will hums thoughtfully. “Percy, I think I want to keep you overnight for supervision. Just to make sure it’s not something internal. I’m sorry Annabeth but you’ll have to leave him here.”

Percy’s a little surprised that Will is not overlooking the short visitation hours normally held by the infirmary. He and Annabeth wouldn’t be the first or last couple they were ignored for. But Will was the boss here, so if he said no visitors then Percy would just get to be bored. 

It’s a few hours later and the infirmary has been cleared out when Will finally came back. “Hey you got a minute to talk?”

Percy’s heard about this voice before, though he’s never had to face it before himself. It’s Will’s I have bad news and we need to talk about it voice. Easy going but with steel behind it so you couldn’t reply “No I’m actually pretty busy right now.” Which is exactly what Percy would say if he thought there was any chance of that working.

Since it won’t work as an actual response it comes out as sarcasm instead. “But I’m so busy.” He gestures to the hospital bed he’s pointlessly laid up in just for added emphasis.

“Yeah sorry about saying I had to keep you.” Will says grabbing a stool and pulling it over to Percy’s bedside.

“What do you mean by saying you had to keep me?” Percy asks he suddenly feels like he’s being set up and he hates it. He wonders what the trap will be this time. He doesn’t think Will would try to proposition him. Having a girlfriend Percy couldn’t be open to it.

“You’re fine, Percy. There’s no reason to keep you physically speaking but I thought you might want to know what caused the pain. I figured it might be best if I told you when Annabeth wasn’t around.”

The conversation was equally baffling and alarming. “Why not?”

“Because the only thing that can cause severe pain with no injury and no internal reason for the pain is your soulmate. I’m assuming that Annabeth’s not it since she didn’t come in with, what from the description of the pain, I’m assuming would be a pretty severe injury.”

Percy wasn’t understanding what Will was saying. What did he mean, Annabeth was not his soulmate she had to be.

“You must be mistaken.” Percy says getting out of the bed. He didn’t have to sit here and listen to this. 

“It’s rare but I’ve seen it before with Seliena and Beckendor. Selina always swore it was Hera and her mother's way of adding an element of tragedy to a soul match they both agreed on.” He says seriously, holding up both his hands in surrender when Percy scowls at the other demigod.

“Look, I know you probably don’t want to hear this. And I’m not trying to tell you what to do. I’m just saying that the pain is probably from your soulmate and it’s likely something you’ll feel for the rest of your life. Unless of course something happens to your soulmate, but I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.”

Percy doesn’t have to listen to this. Will has to be wrong, he just, has to be.

“I’m leaving.” Percy hears himself say and for a few years that’s the end of it. 

The pain comes and goes. The Quest of Seven was like a feedback loop of pain that was his and was not until sometimes Percy thought his very bones would melt. But Percy learns to ignore it. 

He ignores it even after he and Annabeth break up. The shared pain of Tartarus making it impossible for them to stay together. 

He supports his friends and hangs out with them. Helps in getting Nico to stop withdrawing and occasionally pretends that he isn’t experiencing a stabbing pain somewhere that he probably shouldn’t be. It’s a fine existence, really.

Then the pain in his arms starts. It’s normally at night a methodical slicing pain that burns just enough to be infuriating. The first time it happens he thinks his soulmate must be being tortured. Not that he actually believes it’s a soulmate anyways. But if it was, that has to be what was happening to them.

But then it happens again a few weeks later, again a month and a half after that, and again later down the line. If it’s not just Percy going insane it has to be his soulmate seeking to injure themselves and that breaks his heart. He wants nothing more than to help.

He can’t though. Not with there being several billion people in the world. His soulmate could be any of them, though Percy hopes it is someone he knows. Still there’s not really a way to ask without publicizing and Percy doesn’t want that either. He doesn’t want the camps well meaning pity or, if it is someone he knows, to bring public attention to their pain.

Instead he works on keeping an eye on Nico. The Son of Hades has been down since Will left him suddenly. Percy isn’t privy to what happened between them, he’s only aware that there’s not a them anymore. It weighs heavily on Nico, as heavily as the loss of Bianca did.

The ensuing years between Bianca’s death and now have taught Percy a lot about how poorly he handled that situation and about how poorly he treated Nico afterwards. Especially because he allowed others to do the harming for him, not that Percy ever wanted to see Nico in pain. They were friends even if neither of them acted like it sometimes.

It was kind of a chance for Percy to make up for one of his regrets really. He couldn’t undo the damage he’d done back then. That was the past. However, now he could make sure he did right by Nico. And so he did his best to support his friend without badgering him.

He even thought he might be making progress on gaining Nico's trust. A few nights ago the other demigods had come to his cabin looking a little lost and a lot like he wanted to run away.

He and the rest of the Seven were at Camp Half Blood even though almost everyone lived in New Rome at this point. Still sometimes it was nice to help Chiron out. They all felt it was important to make sure that the next generation was being trained well.

“Hey Nico, What’s up?” Percy asks, hoping that an easygoing tone of voice will invite Nico to feel more comfortable. It’s past midnight and Percy is very tired. But if Nico was actually coming to him Percy would make time. 

“Can I come in?” Nico is always clear spoken. His voice is often soft but his words are always clear. It worries Percy the way the words are nearly stuttered out with Nico’s discomfort.

“Yeah man. Just, don’t mind the mess.” Percy says pulling the door open wider to let the other demigod in. His cabin really is a complete sty. He’ll need to clean up before the next cabin check. Technically, his is considered empty for the purposes of the camp but he’s sure he’ll be checked anyways. Kids love getting the opportunity to call him out, he’s sure it’s some kind of power play.

Nico looks around and then shrugs. “Not any worse than mine.”

It’s meant to be a joke but his tone of voice misses the mark. 

“So what brings you here?” Percy asks. He’s happy to support Nico but it is past midnight. Percy’s cabin may technically be empty but that doesn’t mean he won’t be up at seven with the rest of the camp. 

The only tell that Nico heard him at all is that Nico starts fidgeting with his ring. “I’ve got a thing I need to talk to someone about.”

Percy is so bad at advice giving but he does his best to stay calm. If Nico decided to come to him it’s the absolute least Percy can do to help. “Sure. I’m happy to help or just listen.” Oh, he was so going to mess this up.

“Can I trust you?” Nico is desperate now and it hurts Percy that it’s even a question in Nico’s mind. 

“Always.” Percy says and he means it. He’ll always do his best by Nico. If he didn’t have a soulmate floating out there somewhere, Percy might want to explore exactly how true that was. It’s better not to think about it. 

Nico opens his mouth but when no sound comes out closes it again. Percy knows that it’s his job to be silent and wait. The others did that enough for him following Tartaus and his break up with Annabeth. He knows, so he waits.

Just as it seems Nico is about to say whatever is on his mind there’s a knock on the door. When they don’t answer it swings open anyways to reveal Jason with a bucket full of popcorn and his laptop.

“Great. Nico’s here too. I decided it was movie night.”

Percy tires to see Nico’s slight grin as encouraging and to not resent Jason for interrupting. Jason was usually the one Nico goes to with a problem. The fact that he didn’t worries Percy and now he won’t be able to find out why Nico came to him in the first place. 

At least they manage to convince Jason to continue the Disney movie-thon. For Nico’s sake of course because he was so behind. Neither of them mention that Nico was able to watch every Disney movie ever while he was in the Lotus Hotel. 

The following evening they were at a picnic table near the docks, taking a break from whatever work they probably should be doing. It was a nice day, warm but not overly hot. Percy was lazing in the sun when he was broken from his near doze by his friends.

“Nico, why are you wearing that jacket, aren’t you warm?” Piper asks just a little too innocently to not be judgemental.

“I’m the Son of the Lord of the Underworld.” Nico shoots back just on the wrong edge of biting. “I’m always cold.”

There’s so many layers to that statement. Percy doesn’t want to be the one to wade into it but one look at Jason tells him that if he doesn’t no one will. 

He doesn’t know why Nico insists on always wearing some form of jacket and has decided that it’s not actually his business. He wouldn’t appreciate it if someone started pointing out and judging his propensity to wear swim shorts regardless of the weather.

“Oh come on Nico.” Piper says. “If you take the jacket off we can all go for a swim at the lake.”

“I don’t want to swim.” Nico says firmly.

Piper looks like she’s going to continue arguing. Hazel is watching her brother worriedly but also isn’t intervening. 

Apparently this whole thing will be up to Percy. Awesome. “Hey if he doesn’t want to swim we shouldn’t make him. It’s not fair.”

Percy knows that Nico is probably going to kill him for implying that Nico can’t swim. Especially since it’s Percy who ran all his swim tests to clear him for canoeing. Still, if it gets Piper to stop being nosy Percy will do what must be done.

Piper and Nico both give him dark looks but the arguing subsides. Percy decides to count it as a win and goes back to dozing in the sun.

He must actually fall asleep. The sun has begun sinking in the west when he wakes from Hazel prodding him with the toe of her shoe. She’s sitting on the corner of the blanket he’d laid out watching him thoughtfully.

“I wish you hadn’t stopped Piper.” She says once Percy has blinked the sleep out of his eyes. 

“What?” Percy says confused. Normally she appreciates it when Percy helps protect Nico from bullying. “Why? She was being rude.”

Hazle sighs. “She was doing what I asked.”

“What?” Percy could hardly believe his ears. Why would Hazel ever be okay with someone so heavy handily trying to rip away Nico’s carefully curated privacy. 

Hazel deflates when she sighs like the weight of the world has suddenly been placed upon her shoulders. Percy knows what that feels like, quite literally. 

“I’m worried about my brother Percy.” Hazel says softly. Just the tone of her voice fills him with terror that he’s missed something awful. Had he somehow failed Nico again, missed something? He knew he was struggling and was trying to help but maybe it was even worse than that?

“Why?” Percy asks just as softly. Whatever is going on it’s clear that this is not a conversation for the whole camp to hear.

“I think he’s hurting himself.” Hazel whispers like if she says it any louder it will be real. “I’ve tried to talk to him but he always shuts me down. I’ve asked Piper to help me find out exactly how bad things are.”

Percy is speechless for so many reasons. Just the idea that Nico might, in some way, be purposely putting himself in danger fills him with alarm. He hurts knowing that Nico is hurting that badly. He is furious that the girls, no matter how well meaning, thought the best way to handle it was to force Nico’s pain out into public. He’s upset that he somehow managed to miss Nico’s pain again and hasn’t done anything to help. And, in the back of his mind he suspects that he’s found his soulmate.

Percy sighs. “If I talk to him will you call off Piper?” 

“I don’t see why he’ll talk to you and not me.” Hazel says sounding petulant if Percy is being honest. She of course, doesn’t know that Nico had come to Percy a few nights ago. It’s entirely too likely that the self-harm was why, and Jason had ruined it.

Percy shrugs. There’s not really any reason for him to think Nico will talk to him except that he hopes he will. Even without the card of soulmates or whatever this bizarre pain link they were apparently sharing was.

“You should still call Piper off.” Percy says instead. “She’s going to do more harm than good.” 

“I don’t know how to not do harm.” Hazel says desperately. “Please Percy, if you think you can help. Do.”

“I’m going to try.” It’s all he can promise. He’s done wrong by the children of the Underworld so often. He’s not continuing it by promising to help Nico when he might not be able too. Through the idea that he might not be able to help tears him up on the inside. 

They sit in silence for a while before she gets up and walks away. Percy hopes she’s going to find Frank for comfort. For his part Percy sits out by the edge of the lake staring at the water until long after the campers have all gone to bed. It’s a good thing he’s not a camper anymore the harpies simply move past him. 

It’s nice to be able to think out under the stars. And he has so much thinking to do. His mind spins through regret for failing Nico again, planning how best to help, and the absolute bombshell that Nico is the source of his phantom pain. If he wasn’t so upset about the reason for most of the recent pain he’d be delighted. His soulmate was someone he knew. Someone he liked and could even be romantically interested in. 

Percy is so busy thinking through everything that he doesn’t notice Nico’s silent approach until he’s sitting next to him. The silence stretches on because Percy doesn’t know what to say. Where do you start when your soulmate is hurting so bad that they’re taking it out on themselves physically? How do you broach the subject when they don’t know that you know any of it?

“Is everything alright?” Nico finally asks. His words are soft in keeping with the quiet of the night.

“Yeah. Why?” Percy lies. It isn’t Percy who needs to be asked how he’s doing.

“Because. You missed dinner.” Nico points out suspiciously. “You never miss a meal.”

“Oh.” Percy says. “I, uh, just needed some time to think.”

“About?” Nico asks curiously. 

It’s Percy’s time to be honest but he doesn’t know how to start. 

“I didn’t like how Piper was treating you.” His mouth says protectively. “The reason for you to wear a jacket all the time is your own. Even if it really is way too warm for it.”

He wishes he could stop his mouth the second the words are finished being released into the air. Nico very obviously closes himself off. 

“It’s not your business either.” Nico says defensively.

“Maybe not.” He’s come into this conversation completely unprepared and unfortunately his default way to handle that is to proceed with confidence he doesn’t actually have. “I just worry about you. We all do.”

“Maybe people should worry about themselves for once.” Nico mumbles under his breath and suddenly all at once Nico’s attitude gets to Percy. Is it really all that hard to believe that people might care about his well being?

It’s quiet. Percy can see Nico’s discomfort growing. He’s going to walk away soon and Percy will lose his opportunity to help Nico. 

“Hazel thinks you’re self harming.” Percy really needs to learn to stop blurting the first thing that comes to mind. Preferably long before this conversation ever started. 

Nico stands. “Hazle needs to keep her thoughts to herself.”

“Are you?” Percy has to ask. He’s losing control of the conversation. It's going horribly wrong and he doesn’t know how not to repeat the wrongs of his past and push Nico away. 

“It’s not your business either.” Nico growls. His hand falls to the hilt of his sword. If he murdered Percy now he’s sure it’d be a crime of self defense. Just like Percy’s next selfish words are a crime of self defense.

“It is because every time you do it you hurt me!” Percy hadn’t meant to say that. 

Nico’s hand falls in shock and he stumbles back a half step, away from Percy. But even the widening of his eyes can’t hide the recognition in his expression. Percy doesn’t know how, but Nico knows what Percy is talking about. He’s heard about soulmates sharing pain before. Maybe he’s even felt Percy’s injuries before.

“What did you say?” Nico asks. His voice is like cold steel, dangerous if Percy lies. Dangerous if Percy tells the truth.

“I said it’s my business because my arm flares in pain with no warning when you do it.” Percy says returning the challenge. He was never good at backing down from a fight.

“You’re wrong.” Nico says and before Percy can do anything to prove that Nico is the one whose wrong. That Percy knows exactly what he’s talking about, he’s gone. Stepped away into a shadow possibly never to be seen again.

Will’s ominous words from years ago suddenly echo in Percy’s head. ‘Unless of course something happens to your soulmate, but I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.’ Percy never did find out why that was the worst thing Will could imagine.

Nico doesn’t come back. Hazel notices and blames Percy. At first the others are confident that he just needs to cool down from whatever it was that Percy and Nico fought over. Then slowly, one by one, doubt clouds their eyes. They blame Percy too.

And they should. Percy drove Nico away. Once again making selfish mistakes and failing to help one of his most loyal friends. Even if he puts the complications caused by the whole soulmate thing aside. 

The only good part is that the infuriating pain stops. He occasionally feels minor pains, a stubbed toe here, a banged funny bone there. Minor signals that Nico is alive. Not that he tells the others, much like Nico said, it’s not their business. Maybe they would hate him less if he confessed.

Months pass. As much as Percy hopes Nico will calm down and come back all they get is radio silence. It’s difficult not to give up hope. 

When the opportunity to take a quest comes, Percy goes no questions asked. It's a rescue mission no one wants to take for a kid that is such a danger that even Chiron thinks they’re a lost cause. The type of situation that on the surface looks so simple it has to be a trap. 

Percy tells Chiron he’ll go as soon as word about the quest reaches him. He doesn’t know if his friends would offer to go with him because he doesn’t give them the chance. He’s flying towards Chicago on Blackjack within fifteen minutes of accepting the quest. 

He finds the warehouse he’s supposed to be in but perhaps predictably there’s no endangered demigods. There were never any endangered demigods. Just a young girl with a grudge. He never thought he’d be slayed by a Hunter though.

Well ex-hunter. “I lost my family because of you.” she hisses, “I kiss one boy trying to get your stupid face out of my head and it’s removal from them forever. Well my Lady will take me back when I’m done with you. She’ll see my loyalty when she sees my greatest trophy. I won’t even kill you before I start field dressing you. You don’t deserve it.”

Percy is chained to some piece of decrepit equipment. The Ex-hunter had gotten the upper hand almost immediately. Percy had seen her as the person he’d come to save. Curled up in a corner crying as she was.

She’d knocked him unconscious just as Percy was realizing she was a threat. He doesn’t know how such a small girl managed to move him, or get him chained in an upright position. Really that probably wasn’t the important question to be asking anyways.

“How is you getting yourself tossed out of the Hunters my fault?” Percy demands bewildered. “I don’t even know you.” Honestly he wasn’t the one she kissed. Not that he’d ever do anything with any Hunter. It wasn’t even Artemis that scared him off. Thalia would make him deep fried wolf food long before the Lady of the Hunt got to him. 

He probably should have expected her to punch him for his lip. Still it winds him, possibly a blessing as moments later she begins cutting into his skin with her hunting knife. Percy screams. 

“I was there with the manticore.” the girl hisses. Her knife working steadily on his arm. Apparently she meant it when she said she was going to make him live through this as long as possible.”You and your heroic deeds and pretty smiles. Of course I couldn’t forget you, but my Lady didn’t understand. I tried to treat my broken heart by moving on like all the magazines suggest and they left me behind for my broken oaths.”

“That seems to have worked out real well for you. Are you sure you weren’t thrown out for being insane?” He expects to be punched this time but it doesn’t hurt any less.

“You are so annoying!” The girl howls. Percy doesn’t get to hear her finish her thought. 

Suddenly pale hands grab around her arms and she is thrown into a pile of crates in the warehouse. 

“What the hell Jackson?” Nico demands angrily even as the girl starts to climb to her feet. “Chiron says there’s a trap and you say yeah sounds fun? What is wrong with you?”

Percy doesn’t get the chance to respond. His attention torn between the vitriol in Nico’s words and the ex-hunter charging towards Nico murderously.

Luckily, Nico is aware of her. After he disarms her of her hunting knives all it takes is a breathy reminder that the sword he’s using would remove her soul from the earth permanently for the girl to surrender completely. Nico ties her up in Percy’s place while the adrenaline pounds it’s way through Percy’s veins.

“How bad is your arm?” Nico asks after making sure the girl is secure. The process of saving Percy’s behind seems to have calmed him considerably.

Percy wonders what Nico intends to do with her. He’s sure Nico won’t harm her, but there is also no way she will be let go. 

“I’ve had worse.” Percy says and it’s true. Only a few simple cuts instead of what she had promised to do to him. It seemed her desire to torture him was even deeper than she realized. “If you had some bandages and ambrosia I can make it back to camp okay.”

“I’ve got both.” Nico says. “There’s also a hospital nearby if you want stitches. We can do the thing with the mist to make them think it’s an accident.” 

Percy wonders if Nico’s ever had to do that but doesn’t ask. “I’m sorry.” He blurts instead.

Nico seems taken back. “You’re sorry?”

“Uh yeah.” It should be pretty obvious why Percy is sorry. There’s so much to be sorry for. 

“Percy what are you sorry for?” Nico asks cautiously. Percy doesn’t know why but there’s clearly a wrong answer here.

“For not being someone you can trust. For not being the soulmate you want. For not being able to help.” Percy says feeling all the weight of his regret for those things.

Nico sighs. “You really are an idiot.”

“What do you want me to be sorry for.”

Nico looks offended. “I don’t know, maybe for trying to get yourself killed?”

“I just needed to get away.” Percy says defensively. “A quest seemed like a good way to do that.”

“A quest seemed like a-” Nico’s words trail off in disbelief. “You’re just as bad as me.” 

“Hey can you do therapy hour after you’ve killed me?” The ex-hunter yells. “This is worse torture than what I had planned for him.”

Percy looks to Nico, alarmed. “You’re not going to kill her are you?”

“No, but she’s not going to like my game plan. You aren’t either really.” 

“Why’s that?” Percy asks cautiously. 

“Because it means telling Thalia what you’ve done.” Nico says. “But hey, we can make our guest enjoy therapy hour while we wait.”

“We could just wait till we get back to camp?” Percy offers. He doesn’t really want their prisoner listening in on this particular conversation.

“We really can’t.” Nico says. His tone is all too reasonable which is the only reason Percy is expecting Nico’s next words to be alarming.

“And why is that?”

“Because the outcome of this conversation dictates if I return to camp or not.” 

Why was Nico doing this to him? 

“I see.” Percy says hoping he doesn’t sound hostile. He’s obviously against talking about it in front of the girl who wanted to kill him thanks to a crush but that doesn’t mean he wants to drive Nico off before they’ve even started. 

Nico sighs. “Okay how's this. I’ll set up a guard on her while you call Thalia and ask her to collect the prisoner. I’ve been helping her with hunting her down anyways. Figures I’d have gotten here faster if I just let you make yourself bait.”

Percy doesn’t want to call Thalia. It’s better than trying to work things out with Nico anywhere near earshot of the Ex-huntress. So he agrees.

Thalia is not happy to be answering an Iris Message so late in the evening. She’s even less pleased when he explains why she’s being bothered. 

“I can’t believe you.” Thalia gripes. Percy thinks she mutters something under her breath about idiot boys. 

“I’m okay.”

“No. I think you’re terminally dumb. Both of you are. I can be there in three hours. Percy talk to him. Please.”

Percy doesn’t get to ask how she knows before she’s gone. Likely rounding a group of Hunters up for the trek to Chicago. They must be near by if she’ll be there in three hours.

When Percy walks back in it’s to find that Nico has set a spot up where they can talk and watch the girl. She’s also under skeleton guard as promised but this way if they need to act they can. It’s still far enough that she won’t hear what they have to say as long as they avoid shouting.

Percy sits next to Nico and tries to take it as a good sign that he doesn’t immediately move away.

“So. That pain link? It’s terrible.” Nico says, always one to start the conversation directly. Though Percy does notice that he isn’t calling it a soulmate link like everyone else does. Percy appreciates that. If they decide to get together Percy wants it on their terms not because they were supposed to. Though he certainly isn’t opposed to being with Nico.

“You felt her?” Percy asks. 

“I about had a heart attack thinking that now that I’d made myself stop you were self-harming.” Nico says seriously. “Luckily it only took about ten seconds for Chiron to set me straight.”

“I’d never.” Percy says because it’s true. It’s not a judgement on Nico, just a fact for himself. Nico seems to get that. “When I first felt you, I thought you were being tortured.”

Nico’s eyes go sad. “Was that the first time?” 

Percy shakes his head. “No the first time you were probably in a fight. I woldn’t be surprised if you broke a rib. I was winded so badly I passed out.”

Nico nods. “Back when I was still wandering?”

“Yeah.” Percy says. He’d always wondered how Nico thought of that time. Wandering makes a lot of sense. 

“I think I know which fight you’re thinking about. I’m assuming you were alone or you’d be the talk of the camp.”

“I was in the middle of sword practice and I was fretted over for days.” Percy pauses, he’s just realized something but he doesn’t know how to mention it without making Nico angry. “Will kept me late that night even though I was fine. He wanted to let me know what was happening so I was prepared for it to happen again.” 

He isn’t expecting the sad smile on Nico’s face. “Yeah. He left in part because he said I had a soulmate that wasn’t him after one of my sudden chronic pain flares. Makes sense now that he’d figured out about you before I knew.”

“I didn’t know.” Percy says because Nico has to know that he would never try to take someone away from Nico. Never.

Nico smiles sadly. “I’m aware that Will’s choices were his own.” 

They sit in silence for a moment. It’s companionable. Not uncomfortable. Percy likes it but he knows they still have talking to do. 

“So. What part of this conversation determines if you come back to camp?” Percy finally asks. He needs to know because he can’t be the reason Nico doesn’t come home. They’re a long way away from being an item. Not that Percy is opposed, it’s just not something he’s let himself want to have. 

Since he had a destined soulmate he didn’t let himself think about anyone after Annabeth. There didn’t seem to be a point. It wasn’t a bad thing that his soulmate seemed to be Nico though. Not a bad thing at all. 

Still he’d rather spend his life alone than be the reason Nico never comes home.

“Do you remember when I came to your cabin? The night Jason decided it was movie night?” 

“You asked if you could trust me.” Percy says confirming that he remembers.

“And you said always.” Nico says. “I need for that to still be true.”

“It’s kinda what always means man.” Percy says. He wonders what secret Nico will tell.

“That night I was going to tell you.” Nico says as if Percy had verbalized his curiosity. “I just needed someone to direct me. I felt so lost.” 

Percy got that he’d never responded in the way Nico did but he gets it.

“Dumb Jason.” Percy mutters instead of saying anything meaningful and likely tone deaf.

It has the desired effect and gets a smile out of Nico. “I’ve been able to get the help I needed.” Nico says and that news makes Percy so happy. 

“I’m glad.” Percy says. “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to help more. The ways I haven’t helped throughout the years is one of my biggest regrets.”

Nico shakes his head. “I’m not saying we haven’t both messed up Percy, but knowing I was hurting you is what caused me to look for help. It’s what made me want to stop.” 

“I just wish I’d known or could have helped. I hated knowing that anybody was hurting that badly. Especially somebody who had the potential to be special to me.”

“Potential?” Nico asks cautiously. Percy doesn’t know how he knows but he sure this is the turning point. This says whether Nico stays or goes.

“First off, I didn’t know it was you.” Percy says because he knows he can’t afford to not speak the truth to Nico. “Secondly, I’ve never wanted to be with someone just because some goddesses decided they were my perfect match.”

He takes Nico’s slight smile at his usual lip towards the gods as encouragement and keeps talking. “I’d always hoped it’d be someone I knew and liked like you but I honestly didn’t let myself think about it too much. Or even think about what I wanted or who I might want. It didn’t seem worth it if my love life was predetermined.” 

“That seems kind of counterproductive.” Nico points out. “Refusing to believe in soulmates but also not dating because of a soulmate.”

Percy shakes his head. “I’ve experienced enough of your injuries to know that soulmates are a thing. But, I want to fall in love with my soulmate at my own pace not because someone said I should.”

Nico is quiet and Percy is sure he’s somehow driven him off. But when he slowly glances over to his soulmate he sees that he’s grinning. It’s a great expression and Percy is willing to make a fool of himself daily if it means he’ll get to see that smile on Nico’s face again.

“So. If I asked you out, you’d be interested. Just to find out if the goddesses might be onto something of course?” Nico says.

“I’d say yes because you grew up hot.” Percy shoots back without thinking.

Nico laughs and it’s like music to Percy’s ears.

Of course that’s the moment Thalia chooses to show up. “Oh my gods. I said don’t break him not get a date out of him.” the Hunter complains.

“It’s not like that Thals.” They both complain but Thalia is already moving towards their prisoner.

“I’m not taking commentary from snot nosed little brothers.” She says completely ignoring that they aren’t her brothers and technically they’re both older than her now. 

That seems to be the end of it though. In short the Ex-Hunter is prepared for travel to be returned to Artemis for proper punishment.

Percy tries to make it so that she is allowed to go to camp but it really is out of his hands. He’s pretty sure Thaila will argue in his favor. Especially when Nico softly reminds her that the waters of the Lethe have the power to allow new beginnings. 

Before she leaves Thalia levels them both with a steely gaze. “Go home and be good with each other. I won’t be happy if I have to find either of you to lecture about a broken heart.”

Then she’s gone. Percy helps Nico onto Blackjack and they fly home.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope everyone enjoyed this super angsty submission! Leave a comment if you did.
> 
> The usual thanks to the Mods lilneps and sinmint for their work on the event and to BobinTheComments, likegallows, and the theboringdolphin for supporting my writing and each other.


End file.
